Have you ever been told a story by a 5 year old? If not, don’t worry, you can watch The Meg 2 to get the experience instead. This disjointed, weirdly paced movie begins with too much explanation and too little meg. It ends with enough meg, not enough Kraken and a longing from me that they only made the end bit, and left the first two thirds on the cutting room floor. It wasn’t just my favourite section of the film, the marketing team loved it too, as they show almost every single action shot from it in every trailer, making it feel like it's most of the film, when in fact, it's about thirty minutes towards the end.
There was some miscommunication between the filmmakers and marketing team, as they sold me a stupid action movie with Jason Statham punching giant sharks in the face AND the biggest meg anyone had ever seen. That’s what I wanted from this film, to sink into my seat and wince at the fast paced, high stakes action of prehistoric sharks chewing up everything in sight. The filmmakers went a bit rogue and made an ill informed eco-thriller with the passing mention of sharks. Let the marketing team make the next one.

Our fantastical story takes us back to the dinosaur days, a fond era for us movie watchers, we can point in joyous recognition at the T-Rex and then gasp as it gets munched up by the much larger shark.
Jump to today, mid chin up with Jonas (Jason Statham). He has evolved into a climate vigilante, catching out the villainous folk dumping conveniently labelled hazardous waste barrels into the ocean.
Moving on, we’re in the research facility in China, researching the ocean, nothing specific, just the ocean. They’re making a mech suit to go to the bottom of the ocean and even have their own “trained” meg which they’ve kept in captivity. Our mission is set, there are rumblings below the ocean, below the thermic layer which we must investigate.
Jonas and his team of expendables traverse down in an awkwardly timed, privately funded submersible craft exploring the depths. Oh no! The captive meg, easily escapes and tracks down the pods, they’re now in peril and under attack. We spend about ten to twenty more minutes with this meg and the newly introduced “biggest meg anyone has seen” before getting into our eco drama thriller for a good forty-five minutes.
Quick note on that mega meg. That one line about it being the biggest one anyone has ever seen has been used across all marketing material, that is the only time it's the biggest. It then blends into being the same as the other two megs. It becomes completely inane after that line.
Anyway, after that, we get that final sequence, which I would skip to if possible. Maybe take an hour and ten minute nap, join the party for the end, leave feeling rested and entertained.

I hate to sound conspiratorial, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this film is not exactly aiming for the US / European markets, and directly targeting the Chinese market with a Chinese setting and co-star. Another small clue is that it was co-produced by a Chinese film company, so it's not really my theory so much as a fact. Action films tend to do well at the Chinese box office and it does feel a little like this film has decided to step out of the race of the all important “domestic” box office after its respectable success in the international box office with the first instalment in the series. I think this is a smart move for the filmmakers to take, no huge risk in the setting and a co-star. Doesn;t help the quality of the film but also didn’t make it any worse. This co-star is Jing Wu (The Wandering Earth, The Battle at Lake Changjin) who plays Meiying’s uncle.
It has been an unfortunate year for child sidekicks with this and Inidiana Jones. Meiying is given nothing to do but be annoying, get in annoying predicaments and be there to give Jonas some sort of emotional motivation.

Technically, this film is passable, with some questionable CG in its creature design but I can let that slide for the overall pretty decent look. There was an obvious focus to make sure the megs looked good whenever they were on screen, and they did. However, that level of detail was not given to the poor kraken, who was overlooked and I will picket for justice.
Camera work is mostly unnotable, capturing the action and at times, giving us fun angles to watch the action (particularly in the final sequence). I am very much sick of these Go-Pro running shots that films have implemented lately, they are such a stark shift from the steady movement in the rest of the film, don’t like it, stop it.
The music is a carbon copy of all other action films with a high BPM in moments of tense action and the occasional 80s rock songs in there to keep the dads whooping and hollering at the cinema screens.
Not sure if all this clues you into what I liked the most about this film, if not, it was the end (and the kraken). Not in that snarky way when people say they loved it when it ended omg lol hahaha. No, I liked the dumb action with big angry sharks and a little cameo from my boy the kraken. Give me more of that, learn from the marketing team, add a joke or two and then I’ll be excited to come back for The Meg 3: Deep Blue Sea.
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