Bones and All is a great example of why Wattpad is not for everyone. This cannibal fan fiction level script coupled with the poster child of Tumblr (tim) made an unlikeable and uninteresting film from first bite to final frame. Of course, it looked like a stunning autumnal fantasy with the American midwest as it’s backdrop. This movie is not only a body horror, not only a romance but it is a body horror, romantic, road trip movie. This movie feels like a writing exercise in a film class to blend genres. 30 minutes, GO!
Maren begins this film by literally chewing off a girl's finger while at a sleepover. This would be the worst sleepover, like it could not get worse than to be chilling with the girls and straight up get your finger gnawed off by a fellow teen who then runs away and disappears. The script is then flipped when her dad leaves her for her to eat people in the comfort of her own company. She hops on a bus to an area with a convenient insane cannibal (Sully) who smells her from down the street. He takes her back to the house, they have a conversation about how they just can’t get enough of chewing on people. Then we smell an old, dying woman upstairs, they let her die of natural causes before absolutely desecrating her body, one mouthful at a time. At this point I was pretty furrowed in the brow and aghast in the mouth. We had soft skin being ripped by teeth and squelching like she was all smoothie on the inside. Luckily, Maren exits that terrifying situation, I’m sure she’ll never meet him again.
Bus #2, we end up somewhere that looks vaguely like the last place but without the man. Instead, we get a red haired Lee (Tim) who is in a shop, not buying, just standing. He gets in a fight and then eats the man in the privacy of a shed. He comes out of the shed through the window, shirtless and covered in blood. This was a bit werewolf-y, but guess what, no extra hair, no fangs, no eternal life, just a cannibal that is meant to look cute. Maren gets in his truck and they road trip together. The Bonnie and Cannibalyde pair hop through perilous situations included but not limited to; two men by a lake who are a chosen and natural cannibal couple. This was fleeting and pointless, really setting the tone for the rest of their adventures together. Lee has inner corn field intercorse before slicing a neck and then we meet maren’s mum who understandably is a handless cannibal that tries to eat her daughter in the first two minutes of meeting her. This is where we get introduced to the concept of hereditary cannibalism, it’s not her fault, her mum ate people too. Cool.
The star crossed chewers decide to then “be people” and get jobs. This one, also lasted about five minutes before Non Dully Sully comes along to kill Maren. Luckily he gets choked out by the tiny arms of Lee, but not before Sully was able to get him right in the lung with a sharp blade. So, Lee dies, didn’t care. Then the movie ended.
This is an insane movie with the most inconsistent tone, bland dialogue and stunning visuals. The Last of Us soundtrack aided the runtime with it’s plucky and tense candor.I was bored, disgusted and confused, especially after reading the reviews from literally everyone else. I feel the same dichotomy as I did after seeing Liquorice Pizza. I wish I never saw this so I could keep the Netflix original film expectations I had in my brain. Instead, I’m left feeling, just icky.
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